INTERNET, GET OUT OF MY HEAD

[psychick]

The phone rings, in the middle of the night,
My father yells 'What you gonna do with your Abby?'

Which song was this lyric from?

Get your own lyrics:

So hi, I'm actually going to talk about my life for a minute. My pal Ike asked me today if I was depressed, and yeah. I pretty much am.

Being unemployed is not good for me. I am stressed, depressed and I do not sleep. With nothing to do, I spend hours doing nothing, unable to focus or commit because nothing is productive, nothing solves anything. I have no idea how to be a pessimist, I have never accepted nihilism, but I've gotten really damned good at denial and avoidance. And fuck me if I am not the picture of a silver-spoon middle class white girl WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING INTO GRAD SCHOOL, but I've learned not to try. But if I don't try, I can't complain, right? I haven't learned to stop saying that I'm going to try, however, and I get left listening to my own hollow promises and exclamations. Liar liar.

And that's why I never post here anymore, guys. Nothing but nonsense and memes. No good news means no news at all. I pour myself into hobbies to give myself something constructive to do and something to think about that isn't panic and defeat.

I thank God for my friends and family, even as I mooch off of them. How dangerous this is, to become an sinkhole of productivity, to take with nothing to give back, because people will stop giving eventually. And really, if I take and take and do nothing with what I'm given, they should. I have not lived up to the people I love.

And now for the news that is not me whining:

My father has cancer. Doctors found a tumor on his kidney. He's going into surgery to have it removed tomorrow, and everything looks like it's going to be a nice, neat, in-and-out removal. Coming on the tail end of a month in which two of my friends lost their fathers and others have seen their daddies in and out of the hospital, if I did not sit here and appreciate everything my dad has done for me, I wouldn't deserve to have him. Thankfully, he has an excellent doctor, and the outlook for a full recovery is quite good. Prayers and good thoughts for him would be appreciated.

Comments

[triestine.livejournal.com]

Good thoughts from me to all of you!

[psychick.livejournal.com]

You are always so kind! Thanks so much for the good vibes. <3

[zombiequeens.livejournal.com]

♥♥♥

[psychick.livejournal.com]

[janewt.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. Many many good thoughts for your family and for you.

I've shuffled the grad school thing off to the side with many excuses. They're decent excuses, but in part that's what they are.

[janewt.livejournal.com]

(...and slightly along those lines, my song lyric is "A little less Janewt, a little more action please.")

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Thank you! LIFE. WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON WITH IT ANYMORE. :|

[takhys]

Come here. I wish to wub your face, for it is a glorious face.

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Oh kindest of Takhyi, my face is a mess right now. I am going to replace it with this kitten.

[chaiya.livejournal.com]

I read this, and think good thoughts for you. Hope to see you at the end of this month? *hugs*

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I am channeling all good thoughts to my father right now. (Once he's out of the hospital, I'll keep them for myself, though!) And yes, I'll be there!

[fallenlibrarian.livejournal.com]

*hugs* i miss you.

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Miss you too. I think about you often, actually. This year is wrapping up with a fussy bang, it seems, but I'd love to see more of you and Marius next year.

[hinkydoodle.livejournal.com]

♥

[psychick.livejournal.com]

ty *hugs*

[telekine.livejournal.com]

Sending good vibes your way.

[psychick.livejournal.com]

FROM YOUR BASEMENT FORTRESS they are received, and appreciated.

[purrgirl.livejournal.com]

hey, hugs and good thoughts to you and your family. A

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey.

/big, BIG hugs

I wish you were closer so we could go be depressed at each other and have a good cry.

an icon for old times

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Thank you. /RETURN HUGS, WITH INTEREST

That would be awesome. I have met many of the internet people that I would most like to meet, but I have not yet met you. Even though we don't really rp together anymore, you are still one of my favoritest internet people.

Due to reasons of you being awesome, of course.

i love that icon a lot

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

no u

I wish you'd come back to C&C. Your Snape would rock that comm to its very foundations. ;)

/so many internet hugs for Awesome Abby

Re: i love that icon a lot

[psychick.livejournal.com]

IT IS SO BUSY. D: I'd never make the activity checks.

Also he would be so upset without magic. Unless his power was to explode people's heads with his brain.



...No, he'd still be upset.

[cheezdanish.livejournal.com]

Two posts a month, come on. :P

And Remus Lupin still has his magic. (And is dating Edgeworth from the Phoenix Wright series. XD)

But yeah. I miss RPing with you a lot. ♥

[badbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Oh Abby, you don't deserve all of this hardship, you really don't. It sucks for you, and no one could deny that. I will pray for your dad, not knowing what I to do, and if you find yourself in the DC area for Christmas let me know and I will make sure we see each other. I've been thinking about you a lot recently, and I was actually going to ask you for your address so I could send your x-mas card.

Hang in there, hard to do, but worth it.

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Feiren dear. A lessening in the level of AUGH in the world in general would be nice, but I will certainly accept hugs and good thoughts.

I am going to be down in the old MD for the hols, and I'd love to meet up! I don't think I have your number anymore, so shoot me a text message or an email.

[badbutterfly.livejournal.com]

Wow, I don't think anyone has called me that in years! 4434151533, call anytime. For any reason. I'll be in town starting on the 21st, and staying til probably the 29th.

[rahneregina.livejournal.com]

Best wishes for your family.


I have to say, I was in the same self-recriminating spiral when I was unemployed, and after more than a year of that, getting a weird, slightly-better-than-minimum-wage-but-not-what-I'm-'supposed'-to-be-doing job helped. It was freaking hard to come by, but when I got it, and got out of the house a little, it helped. So if you can find anything remotely reasonable, I recommend it.

Regardless, good luck.

[i-id.livejournal.com]

Tall Ships are always hiring in the winter.
Even the ones in Florida and the Caribbean.

Just saying.

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Pfff! <3

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hugs*

[karihan.livejournal.com]

*huggles* Much sympathy and empathy on both the unemployment front and the dad-in-hospital front.

[psychick.livejournal.com]

*HUGS* There are so many people manning this front right now. We've got foxholes from here to the moon.

And other metaphors that make perfect sense.

[aristoboule.livejournal.com]

*MANY hugs*

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Many thanks! And hugs back.

[ursa-mater.livejournal.com]

We don't talk much anymore. But I send you my best, and you know I'm praying and sending warm thoughts for your Dad, ok?

*hugs*

[psychick.livejournal.com]

Well I still think that you are made of awesome, and thanks for the good vibes. He should be out of surgery any time now.

[skylanth.livejournal.com]

Awh, I'm sorry that life has been so evil to you. I know that chanting "keep on trying!" like this is kindergarten isn't going to make you feel better, so I'll just say that I'm thinking of you (and your family, hope all goes well for your father), and that I miss you and hope you'll hang out with us nerdy folk again.

[vivian-shaw.livejournal.com]

oh goddamn. here is what I get for not being on LJ for ever: the awareness that my dear friends have serious shit to deal with. Oh, my dear. Late as it is I do so very much wish your father well and hope that all continues with his recovery as it damn well should do.

I miss you.