Sep. 18th, 2010

psychick: (False Advertising)
Do you remember how, when you were little and you went to the beach, sometimes the surf was a little rough and you'd be out there playing when suddenly a wave would just knock you tush-over-teakettle and you'd be swirling around with no clear idea which direction was up, limbs flailing and thumping at the sandy bottom that was coming at you from every inconceivable angle until you found yourself sitting in the shallows with water up your nose and the middling-to-high likelihood that something unfortunate has happened to your bathing suit? But it was okay, 'cause you were still at the beach and your friends/family are like WHOA ARE YOU OKAY in that concerned-but-also-amused way, and you can just have an icecream or something and then get right back in there? In the day at the beach that is the sum total of my life, that's been happening a lot.

The metaphor holds up very well, because the thing is, you can spend every day of your life swimming or surfing, and wipe-outs will still happen. Skill and experience help of course, but you will inevitably end up upside down, under water, getting intimately acquainted with the shoreline.

Over the past month or so, I have not gotten the CCNY job I'd been doing since April, despite constant praise for the work I was doing. I've trained my replacement, and moved heavy office furniture into her new work space. I've gone on vacation and watched my friends' hearts break under the weight of doing the right thing. I've eaten and paid rent on charity, and split my time between my own home and friends. I've found a new online game that I enjoy, and am co-STing a tabletop. I've given away a cat and been budgeted into a grant for a puppet show. I've cancelled my trip to New Orleans, and am going on a new trip to Toronto. I've been asked to be in a wedding party, and seen pictures of my cousin's newborn son. I've been given a part-time position by a friend's boss and told that I could return to work there any time, and been re-assigned to CCNY.

I think everything's going to be cool again. Or at least no less cool than it was. My bank account is still a joke, but at this point if I had $500 to my name for more than a day at a time, I would probably faint. SOMEDAY, ADULTHOOD. SOMEDAY, I'LL GET YOU YET.

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